Samuel Is Getting Bigger

Ashley took Sam to the doctor today. He had a cardiologist appointment. His primary doctor heard something that she didn't like when she examined him and sent him to have it checked out. EKG and the works. Ultimately, it turns out its nothing to be alarmed about: kids have a hole in their heart when they are inside mom that closes shortly after birth. Premi's, being ahead of the scheduled due date, don't close up as fast, so he has a small hole in his atrium that will close soon, we're told. "Nothing to be alarmed about," they say. Phfew.

The bigger news is that Sam is now 8 lbs, 1 oz. Ashley took a picture at the doctors office so you can see his progress:

Transgender Insects.

After walking 18 holes on Saturday morning, I returned home to a full day's worth of yard work in preparation for overseeding our lawn with rye grass. (Thankfully, we pay to have that done, although I always believe I could probably do a better job given enough time, energy and seed) Ashley attended a baby shower, leaving Jack and I to fend for ourselves. Jack assisted, wielding a rake and helping me bag up piles of pine needles that collect under our gargantuan pine tree in the front yard. We also made a trip to the local hardware store to purchase a chainsaw and then proceeded to trim some of the 10,000 trees in our yard. We are manly men.

I was surprised and pleased at his willingness to help, and the extent of time the project held his attention. But, he is two and a half, after all, so his random thought generator did kick in after about 10 minutes.

As we were hauling tree limbs into the back alley for disposal, Jack saw something move in the dirt. Immediately, he zoomed in on it, scooped it up and proceeded to show me that he had caught a small beetle. (I'm not an entomologist so don't ask me what genus and species it was. All I recall is that I've seen this type before, they aren't harmful, and have a neat red, grey and black pattern on their backs.)

Proudly presenting the creepy-crawler to me, Jack proclaimed, "I found a bug! His name is Lisa!"

[UPDATE: It was a Milkweed Bug (Lygaeus kalmii).]

Blogging.

www.despair.com

A new take on those moronic "inspirational" posters.

Sam Gets His

I was rereading my posts and realize that Jack (and his antics) receives a majority of the attention here.  So, in fairness to our second born:

Today, Sam stared at a light... for a really long time.  Then he fell asleep.  I bet he dreamt about the light and the glorious wonderment it brings. 

Today, Sam cried because he doesn't like riding in his car seat.  Then he cried some more.  And more.  And more.  Sam, we get it, you don't like your car seat.  But Arizona's traffic laws don't leave us much choice.  So, with all due respect, can it.  If forced to do so, I'll install a light for you to stare at while we drive.  

Today, Sam sucked on his pacifier and slept while Daddy schlepped him around Scottsdale Fashion Square in the Baby Bjorn.  [Take a moment and picture that: Regular Joe TJ, clad in tee shirt, cargo shorts and $3.50 Old Navy flip flops, with a 7 lb baby strapped to his chest.  Then picture me surrounded by 15 to 25 year-olds who consider Cosmo an "intellectually stimulating" publication, don jean shorts and 4" high heels to go shopping, and can't tell you what the words "federal budget deficit" mean.  You bet I blend right in, like a goiter on a prom queen.]

Today, Sam had a bottle for dinner.  During a burping break, Jack was showing Sam his new shoes (navy blue Crocs) and Sam promptly vomited on Jack and his new shoes.  Take that, big brother.  Jack was not pleased, pleading with Daddy to "clean up my new shoes, please, now, please! Sam pooked on me!"  I'm certain you find the glorious irony in that event, as I did. 

Learning Jackanese

Filed under "Jackanese":

• hast-eh-bul  (Hospital.  He learned this word when Sam was born.  We were going back and forth to the "hast-eh-bul" daily and parking in the garage.  So now, whenever we enter a parking garage, he asks why we're at the "hast-eh-bul.")
• esk-al-vator (a transposition of "escalator" and "elevator."  Both are modes of transportation between floors, so he's really evolving the English language.)

Jack Ryan: Meteorologist

I came home from work today a little earlier than normal.  Sadly, I usually don't arrive home until around 6:00pm on the average day.  When time is money, the tendency is to squeeze as much as you can out of a day.  The life-work balance is a constant struggle.

Today, when I arrived home, I learned that Ashley had not left the house with the boys all day.  Cabin fever had set in.  My first clue was Jack running in circles in our living room, wielding a miniature Louisville slugger that my grandfather gave us as a birth present.  We resolved to remedy the situation with a quick trip to that mecca of discretionary spending, high fashion and lives of excess: Scottsdale Fashion Square.  

While en route, Jack looked up at the sky.  Today was marked as the first day of Phoenix's "fall."  I put "fall" in quotes simply because I don't believe we have four seasons, but two: Heaven and Hell.  We're now entering heaven, when all the days are simply perfect.  Days where your lawn sprouts an emerald green color (after ample water and a couple hundred bucks of rye seed), and when the golf course actually looks like those ones you see in magazines, with the criss-cross mowing patterns. But I digress.

Jack looked up at the sky.  The day was hazy, with a layer of clouds thick enough to obscure the sun's shape, creating the effect of a bright "blob" in the sky.  Jack noticed, announcing: 

"Daddy... the sky is ruined."

A Two-Foot-Tall Ted Kennedy Lives In My House

As an attorney, I pride myself on my linguistic skills and proper grammar. (I have to; I'm paid to write well. Trust me, it's not a burning personal desire to rework Strunk & White's or be the next Bryan Garner, although I appreciate the work he's done.) In that vein, I constantly correct Jack's grammar and speech when I hear things that are not necessarily correct. He frequently confuses verb tense or conjugations. For example, Jack will say, "Daddy, today mommy and I droved to Target and boughted some clothes for Sam" to which I respond, in my best impression of ajunior high grammar teacher, "Fantastic! You DROVE to Target and BOUGHT some clothes for Sam. WONDERFUL!"

One thing that is currently uncorrectable, however, is Jack's frequent transposition of "-uh" for "-er." As I referenced on the sidebar, Jack calls our IMac the "pew-tuh." I have tried to correct this to "com-pu-ter" (slowly saying each syllable with great emphasis) to no avail. So we live with it. And, frankly, it yields some pretty humorous conversations. His inability (or choice, we haven't figured out which yet) to change all words that end in and "-er" to "-uh" makes him sound like member of the Kennedy household on a tear. "Daddy, why you workin' on the pew-tuh?" "Well, Jack, because I can't get my caaaaa out of the garaaaaaage. Go Red Sawcks!"

Our Least Favorite TV Shows, In Order:

5.  Go Diego Go:  Ugh.  Although having a backpack that turns into a various assortment of outdoor adventure gear would be handy from time to time.  I would prefer a backpack that turns into the Rules of Civil Procedure or a Motion in Limine, frankly.

4. Wow Wow Wubsy:  A boxy, animated target of my rage.  Wubsy Wubsy Wow Wow POW POW.

3.  Blue's Clues:  Did you know they are on their second main character?  (No, not the animated dog, the human character - Blue remains the same)  The first guy, "Steve," allegedly had a problem with some white powder (he denies it) and has moved to bigger and better things.  Working in front of a green screen all day would drive me to find a way out too, buddy.  The new guy (Donovan Patton) doesn't bother me as much, but I would love to have been a fly on the wall when his casting agent called with the news about the part.

2.  Oswald:  Voice of Fred Savage overlaid on a blue octopus with a wiener dog for a pet.  We had enough with the Wonder Years, Fred.  Shouldn't you be on VH1 with Donny Osmond?

1.  Dora The Explorer:  I can't say enough about the 22 minutes of brain damage that this show inflicts upon us daily.  Jack LOVES it.  He even sings the theme song when he asks us to play it (oh yes, we routinely record it on the DVR.)  With the amount of time Dora spends going places with Boots, and since, each time, they need the "map," you'd think they would just buy a GPS system and call it a day.  "Where are we going? Tall Mountain! Where are we going? Tall Mountain!  Hey Boots, plug that into the GPS system and turn up Beyonce on the XM radio!  Swiper no swiping the XM Radio!"

Ashley's Email Update Today

Ashley's still under the impression that blogging is Norwegian party dancing, but I'm working on her.  When she figures out how easy this is, there will be no stopping her.  But until then, I'll just keep copying her work (shamelessly) and posting it here.  This was her email out to everyone today:

"I'm sorry for the lack of communication since we brought Sam home...life quickly got very busy and it's been hard to find time to keep up on my email! We are really enjoying our new life as a family of four, but as all of you parents know, the first few months are really hard too! Being sleep deprived and trying to keep up with a 2 year old is my biggest challenge. Jack is becoming a great big brother; he is so sweet with Sam. He has decided it's his job to give Sam his pacifier when he fusses and he asks to hold Sam each day. Sam is growing so fast! He's up to 6lbs12oz as of Thursday. He's starting to focus on us with his eyes, which is so fun! We are looking forward to that first smile and all the milestones to come.
We hope all is well with you and yours...

Ashley"

You Know You're The Parent of a Toddler When...

Taking a page from that "redneck" guy:

You Know You're A Toddler Parent When...

Your 6-iron doubles as a tool for retrieving items lost under the couch. 

I call it "couch fishing," and the best tool for it is a Ping S59 golf club.  Blue color code, ZZ65 Cushin shaft, with a Golf Pride full cord grip.  I keep wondering if I'll find my sanity under there.  Lately, all I find are puzzle pieces, peanuts, and cat hair.  Although, sometimes we find Jesus under there.