Our Least Favorite TV Shows, In Order:

5.  Go Diego Go:  Ugh.  Although having a backpack that turns into a various assortment of outdoor adventure gear would be handy from time to time.  I would prefer a backpack that turns into the Rules of Civil Procedure or a Motion in Limine, frankly.

4. Wow Wow Wubsy:  A boxy, animated target of my rage.  Wubsy Wubsy Wow Wow POW POW.

3.  Blue's Clues:  Did you know they are on their second main character?  (No, not the animated dog, the human character - Blue remains the same)  The first guy, "Steve," allegedly had a problem with some white powder (he denies it) and has moved to bigger and better things.  Working in front of a green screen all day would drive me to find a way out too, buddy.  The new guy (Donovan Patton) doesn't bother me as much, but I would love to have been a fly on the wall when his casting agent called with the news about the part.

2.  Oswald:  Voice of Fred Savage overlaid on a blue octopus with a wiener dog for a pet.  We had enough with the Wonder Years, Fred.  Shouldn't you be on VH1 with Donny Osmond?

1.  Dora The Explorer:  I can't say enough about the 22 minutes of brain damage that this show inflicts upon us daily.  Jack LOVES it.  He even sings the theme song when he asks us to play it (oh yes, we routinely record it on the DVR.)  With the amount of time Dora spends going places with Boots, and since, each time, they need the "map," you'd think they would just buy a GPS system and call it a day.  "Where are we going? Tall Mountain! Where are we going? Tall Mountain!  Hey Boots, plug that into the GPS system and turn up Beyonce on the XM radio!  Swiper no swiping the XM Radio!"

Ashley's Email Update Today

Ashley's still under the impression that blogging is Norwegian party dancing, but I'm working on her.  When she figures out how easy this is, there will be no stopping her.  But until then, I'll just keep copying her work (shamelessly) and posting it here.  This was her email out to everyone today:

"I'm sorry for the lack of communication since we brought Sam home...life quickly got very busy and it's been hard to find time to keep up on my email! We are really enjoying our new life as a family of four, but as all of you parents know, the first few months are really hard too! Being sleep deprived and trying to keep up with a 2 year old is my biggest challenge. Jack is becoming a great big brother; he is so sweet with Sam. He has decided it's his job to give Sam his pacifier when he fusses and he asks to hold Sam each day. Sam is growing so fast! He's up to 6lbs12oz as of Thursday. He's starting to focus on us with his eyes, which is so fun! We are looking forward to that first smile and all the milestones to come.
We hope all is well with you and yours...

Ashley"

You Know You're The Parent of a Toddler When...

Taking a page from that "redneck" guy:

You Know You're A Toddler Parent When...

Your 6-iron doubles as a tool for retrieving items lost under the couch. 

I call it "couch fishing," and the best tool for it is a Ping S59 golf club.  Blue color code, ZZ65 Cushin shaft, with a Golf Pride full cord grip.  I keep wondering if I'll find my sanity under there.  Lately, all I find are puzzle pieces, peanuts, and cat hair.  Although, sometimes we find Jesus under there.  

Jack finds Jesus.

As all parents know, kids have a knack for spewing forth humor without prior intention.  Toddlers' statements can be delivered rich with curiosity and sincerity, only to be answered by the adult audience with hearty guffaw.  Sometimes I think Jack says things just to see if he gets a reaction, and many times he does, but his most glorious statements are delivered with such gusto and genuine resolve that they simply boll me over.  

A few months ago, Jack delivered this gem: while exploring under the couch, he suddenly jumped up, stretched both arms heavenward and, eyes beaming, exclaimed, "I FOUND JESUS!" 

Now, while most neoconservative Bible-thumpers like ourselves hope for a day when our offspring make a personal faith discovery, Jack, at 2 and 1/2, was a bit young to be diving head first into the intricacies of our faith.  Obviously, that's what makes it funny.

Explaining the statement is much more mundane:  Jack received a cloth book which opens and closes with a zipper.  It's called "Walk With Jesus," and has a small (approximately 2.5 inches tall) stuffed fabric "Jesus" which has a patch of velcro on its back.  As you turn the pages, you velcro Jesus to the new page and join him in his "walk" through the book.  As with any small object in a toddler-occupied residence,  the stitched Savior frequently disappears.  So, during a period of free play, Jack was digging through the couch cushions, discovered the reclusive fabric deity and was ecstatic to return him to his journey.