Jack and Sam's Place

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Some things I learned today.

Jack taught me the following things today:

1. The lyrics are not "He's got the whole world in His hands," but instead "He's got the whole world in his pants."

2. I didn't really fly all the way to Scotland to play golf in '07, I just drove to Scottsdale.

3. Superman is the only person who plays in Scotland because he can fly there whenever he wants.

4. Jack can hit his little USA Kids Golf driver 50 yards... with no formal lessons to date.

5. Cousin Ethan plays on a golf course in Tucson where they use only sticks and rocks.

Potty-training update: If potty-training had an economic equivalent, we're in stagflation: Potty-training progress is stagnated and my frustration with the issue is inflating.*

Sam is great. He turned 1 in late July. He points at you and waves to say "hi" and "bye." Then he sees something he can eat, his eyes grow huge, and he points directly at it, grunt-yelling until you give it to him. He crawls faster than people in Tucson drive and eats more than his brother does most of the time. He claps, usually when people on the TV clap, including golf claps. He loves to toss (roll) a ball back and forth with you as you sit on the ground. He is the "OMG! the cutest baby ever!" according to any female under the age of 17 behind you in line at the supermarket or behind the counter at Old Navy. {sarcasm} Yeah, I know, LOL @ OMG! {/sarcasm}

Lastly, this is quite possibly the greatest invention of the modern era. "Darn, that's pricey!" you are likely saying. Let me tell you that after a couple of those puppies, you will not care what it cost. The first time I saw it at a party, my eyes grew large, I pointed at it and then grunt-yelled until they gave me one. It was delish.

* I spent 10 minutes trying to decide if you can use two colons in this manner. I decided for it, and will let my fellow law school compatriots comment furiously in the negative, after having diligently solicited their grammar guides. After reading newspapers for the last few years, I've decided grammar in America is officially dead.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Pottytraining Diaries - Week 28: The Ultimatum

So the gauntlet has been thrown down: Jack is operating on a dwindling number of diapers. The pediatrician has asked (required) that he be using the toilet for all activities in the near future. So the fastest way to that goal is to remove all obstacles: no more diapers after the current supply runs out.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

"Hey Daddy, Lets Play Some Wii!"

It started all so innocently.

"Daddy, lets play boxing. I like boxing."

I obliged. Traditionally, Jack simply flails his arms at the TV, hoping to land a punch here and there, but always enjoying the experience. Traditionally, I lay him flat on his back (digitally speaking) every time with a barrage of well placed attacks.

But this time seemed different. And quickly, the tone changed.

"Daddy, I'm going to bring the hot fire on you."

"Well," I thought, "this is new."

He brought the hot fire. He waited patiently, and took swings when I was open. He protected his head and dodged jabs. He knocked me down. Then, he knocked me out. It took him three tries, but he did indeed take me down.

It is so on now.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Pottytraining Diaries - Week 24

Just a short update: He's now insisting that he be closed in the bathroom by himself while he goes in the diaper. While on vacation, I found him in the bathroom, perusing golf magazines, using the "diaper." I had to smile.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Follow Me On Twitter

If you want. Or don't. You're small potatoes considering that John Daly follows me. Yeah, THAT John Daly.

http://twitter.com/tjryanesq

Pottytraining Diaries - Week 22

We're not advancing one inch. He holds it all day, asks for a diaper, throws nuclear fits if they are refused, and even repels offers of increasingly expensive rewards. I'm ready to buy the kid a Mercedes if he'll just abandon his diaper in favor of the porcelain. It's become ridiculous, but in the back of my mind I keep thinking of all the repetitive advice I've received: He'll do it when he's ready. (By the way, that advice never goes over well with a Type-A people like Ashely and me.)

He goes #1 with ease and on his own volition. So we continue to wait, hoping that repeated encouragement and prodding will finally break through the concrete and steel barrier that stands between Jack and his graduation into society as a proper defecating member. I never thought that the longest running battle I'd have with my son would be the use of the toilet.