Our Least Favorite TV Shows, In Order:

5.  Go Diego Go:  Ugh.  Although having a backpack that turns into a various assortment of outdoor adventure gear would be handy from time to time.  I would prefer a backpack that turns into the Rules of Civil Procedure or a Motion in Limine, frankly.

4. Wow Wow Wubsy:  A boxy, animated target of my rage.  Wubsy Wubsy Wow Wow POW POW.

3.  Blue's Clues:  Did you know they are on their second main character?  (No, not the animated dog, the human character - Blue remains the same)  The first guy, "Steve," allegedly had a problem with some white powder (he denies it) and has moved to bigger and better things.  Working in front of a green screen all day would drive me to find a way out too, buddy.  The new guy (Donovan Patton) doesn't bother me as much, but I would love to have been a fly on the wall when his casting agent called with the news about the part.

2.  Oswald:  Voice of Fred Savage overlaid on a blue octopus with a wiener dog for a pet.  We had enough with the Wonder Years, Fred.  Shouldn't you be on VH1 with Donny Osmond?

1.  Dora The Explorer:  I can't say enough about the 22 minutes of brain damage that this show inflicts upon us daily.  Jack LOVES it.  He even sings the theme song when he asks us to play it (oh yes, we routinely record it on the DVR.)  With the amount of time Dora spends going places with Boots, and since, each time, they need the "map," you'd think they would just buy a GPS system and call it a day.  "Where are we going? Tall Mountain! Where are we going? Tall Mountain!  Hey Boots, plug that into the GPS system and turn up Beyonce on the XM radio!  Swiper no swiping the XM Radio!"

Ashley's Email Update Today

Ashley's still under the impression that blogging is Norwegian party dancing, but I'm working on her.  When she figures out how easy this is, there will be no stopping her.  But until then, I'll just keep copying her work (shamelessly) and posting it here.  This was her email out to everyone today:

"I'm sorry for the lack of communication since we brought Sam home...life quickly got very busy and it's been hard to find time to keep up on my email! We are really enjoying our new life as a family of four, but as all of you parents know, the first few months are really hard too! Being sleep deprived and trying to keep up with a 2 year old is my biggest challenge. Jack is becoming a great big brother; he is so sweet with Sam. He has decided it's his job to give Sam his pacifier when he fusses and he asks to hold Sam each day. Sam is growing so fast! He's up to 6lbs12oz as of Thursday. He's starting to focus on us with his eyes, which is so fun! We are looking forward to that first smile and all the milestones to come.
We hope all is well with you and yours...

Ashley"

You Know You're The Parent of a Toddler When...

Taking a page from that "redneck" guy:

You Know You're A Toddler Parent When...

Your 6-iron doubles as a tool for retrieving items lost under the couch. 

I call it "couch fishing," and the best tool for it is a Ping S59 golf club.  Blue color code, ZZ65 Cushin shaft, with a Golf Pride full cord grip.  I keep wondering if I'll find my sanity under there.  Lately, all I find are puzzle pieces, peanuts, and cat hair.  Although, sometimes we find Jesus under there.  

Jack finds Jesus.

As all parents know, kids have a knack for spewing forth humor without prior intention.  Toddlers' statements can be delivered rich with curiosity and sincerity, only to be answered by the adult audience with hearty guffaw.  Sometimes I think Jack says things just to see if he gets a reaction, and many times he does, but his most glorious statements are delivered with such gusto and genuine resolve that they simply boll me over.  

A few months ago, Jack delivered this gem: while exploring under the couch, he suddenly jumped up, stretched both arms heavenward and, eyes beaming, exclaimed, "I FOUND JESUS!" 

Now, while most neoconservative Bible-thumpers like ourselves hope for a day when our offspring make a personal faith discovery, Jack, at 2 and 1/2, was a bit young to be diving head first into the intricacies of our faith.  Obviously, that's what makes it funny.

Explaining the statement is much more mundane:  Jack received a cloth book which opens and closes with a zipper.  It's called "Walk With Jesus," and has a small (approximately 2.5 inches tall) stuffed fabric "Jesus" which has a patch of velcro on its back.  As you turn the pages, you velcro Jesus to the new page and join him in his "walk" through the book.  As with any small object in a toddler-occupied residence,  the stitched Savior frequently disappears.  So, during a period of free play, Jack was digging through the couch cushions, discovered the reclusive fabric deity and was ecstatic to return him to his journey.   

Update's a Comin'

Sorry for the delay in updates.  After getting squared away at home, life got busy.  And since my wife thinks blogging is some type of drunken Norwegian dance, I'm your communications officer. I'll try to get something together and up in the next couple of days.

Sam at Home: Week One

Today, Sam is one month old. Can you believe it?

You've heard a lot about his time in the NICU, but since he's been home, it's been less of a drama than an intermission. There's lots to do around our house; we're even now still converting the office into Sam's room. I'm really going to miss my big corner desk.

He came home on a regimented 4 hour feeding schedule. We've tried to stick to that, even when he sleeps through the four hour period. Yes, be jealous: he's already a good sleeper (and I'm knocking on wood and hope he stays that way.) He went close to five hours last night and then pounded down his bottle. He's on a two pronged feeding regimen: breastfeeding (mostly at night) and bottles fortified with formula at the other feedings. He's alert and awake about 3-4 hours a day (best guess) and sleepy/asleep the rest of the time. He loves to be held and will conk out if you hold him for any length of time in the cradled position. He's got big, bright eyes and looks around regularly. I remember Jack's eyes took a few days to get accustomed and would go cross eyed and roll back from time to time, freaking us out. Sam doesn't seem to have that problem, but he was also 3 weeks along by the time he went home, unlike Jack who was home about 3 days later.

We've had lots of love and support over the past week. It comes in many forms: food, presents, visits, and calls, and we appreciate all of it VERY VERY MUCH. Thank you! Please don't hesitate to call but forgive us if you get the answering machine - we're playing man-on-man defense right now.

I would ask those that read this with any regularity to encourage Ashley to start posting to it. She checks her email nightly and I have told her that she'd save a bit of time by writing here and then answering specifics on her email, but she's all about personal communication. I'm like the Wizard of Oz: Short and hiding behind a curtain. Oh wait, I'm missing the Emerald Castle and flying monkeys. Note to self: (1) buy monkey; (2) teach it to fly.

--TJR

Jack has ALL the answers.

I took Friday and Monday off to help backstop Ashley while she adjusts to having Jack and Sam home together. Monday afternoon, Jack contracted a bout of "cabin fever" so we headed off to the Club to see if we could burn off some of his energy hitting some range balls (which I never mind, being a self-described "Range Monkey"). We arrived to find the Club totally empty, which was great except for the fact that Jack had no golf balls in his little bag. (We did find some range balls scattered about so we used those and he had a good time smacking them around and playing in the practice bunker.)

After about an hour, he was pretty red and I was drenched in sweat so we retreated to the clubhouse to get some water and rest a bit. We sat down on a bench that looks out over the practice green, the 18th green and the water fountain that sits next to 18 green. He plopped down (okay, he climbed up and scooted to the edge of the bench, but whatever, he's 2 and a half) and we had a nice little chat. It went something like this:

Me: So, are you going to be a good boy for mommy tomorrow.
Jack: (Nods in agreement, pauses) Why?
Me: Because Daddy has to go back to work tomorrow so you and Mom and Sam will be home alone all day.
Jack: Why?
Me: Because someone has to pay for all of this, pal.
Jack: Why?
Me: Because we have to pay for our house and the food we eat and all of your toys.
Jack: (thinks a moment, pauses, looks up at me with certainty in his eye and says,) Daddy, all you need is a box of dollars.
Me: (Chuckles) Oh yeah? That sounds good. Where do I find a box of dollars?
Jack: (Looks around. Points to the fountain) Daddy, there are pennies in the fountain.

Even a seasoned veteran (if I can call myself that after some six years now) of the adversarial system gets a little choked up to see that my progeny is starting to figure out how the world works and put things together.

I'm off to find that box of dollars.

--TJR

Jack Soundbites

Today Jack said, and I quote, "

"I drink the juice, but you see the problem is that the alligator comes into Grandma's house and I eat him."

I am not kidding.

August 5th Update

[An aside: I just realized that all of these are dated/time stamped so I don't need to date them, but alas...]

Here is Ashley's latest email with some pictures to boot!

"Today, Sam is 2 weeks old! While it's hard to believe it's already been 2 weeks, so much has happened, it's hard to remember what life was like before Sam! Since I last wrote, Sam has made so much progress! He was moved to the intermediate nursery, out of the NICU, last Wednesday. We like this room much better, as it's quieter and there's more natural sunlight. On Thursday, they started trying to feed him with the bottle, and he's been improving with that skill daily. He's taking about half of his feeds from the bottle, then getting the rest through his feeding tube. He weighs 4 lbs 6 oz now, so he's gaining weight steadily. Friday was a big day...they removed his IV and moved him out of the incubator and into an 'open bed.' It's been a good week...family has gotten to hold him for the first time and I spend at least an hour a day holding him....I know that won't happen once I have him home and Jack's around!!! We're getting anxious to bring him home, but they are still saying it could be 1-2 more weeks. Thanks again to all of you for your emails and phone calls. I'm sorry I have yet to respond to all of you personally...I will as I have time, I promise! Here are a couple of recent pictures for you all...
With love,
Ashley"

Quick Update August 1

I just heard from Ashley (I will be heading over after work today) and they have removed Sam's IV (yay! It was in his scalp and then his hand, but his little veins weren't cooperating so we're glad to have that out so he's not a pincushion any longer). He still has the NG tube in for feedings, BUT he took his first bottle yesterday and took a full feeding. He took another one today but he was pretty sleepy Ashley says so he only took about 1/2 of the full feeding. I get to try when I head over around 5:00 pm.

He's also been moved into a "big boy bed" (i.e. out of the plexiglas box and into an open-air bed that's not temperature controlled).

He's also up to 4 lbs, 5 oz.

This is good news because it means he's a) growing, b) learning how to bottle feed, and c) closer to coming home. It's that last part that we're really focused on!

-- TJR